"The Light Here is Truly Magical...."

2011-01-11T20:01:00.001-08:00

Sam and I are having a superbowl party, and I want to know: what's your favorite party food? Sophisticated or not, what do you look forward to the most? Let me know, and provide the recipe if you have one you don't mind sharing!

2011 Resolution: Contentment

2011-01-06T14:12:00.001-08:00

My first resolution was to spend less money on food and more on clothes. Sam didn't like the second part of that. Actually, upon comparing my clothes budget with his mom's, he made me decrease mine. I've suspected for a while that I spend way too much on groceries, although we rarely eat out and prices are very high in this city.

Last year I think I made some sort of resolution about procrastination. Maybe I will get around to starting that this year. ;-)

When I think about all of the ways in which I could improve, I'm realizing that a lack of contentment may be at the bottom of a lot of things. If I could become content with the place I'm at in life at this moment - a graduate student, with graduate-level work even if I still feel like an undergraduate, living on a graduate stipend, in a small one-bedroom apartment, with a very new set of friends, with a husband who is definitely a boy and not one of my girlfriends, with a social life that doesn't really require half of the dresses in my closet, and in a city that just isn't south of the Mason-Dixon line - maybe I wouldn't need so many of the other resolutions. Maybe I would be content to do my homework and papers early, even if doing them doesn't make me feel like one of the smart kids anymore. Maybe I would start buying only clothes that are actually practical for my lifestyle. Maybe I wouldn't bother Sam with questions about whether he likes my new hat (he didn't, by the way, but I do). Maybe I would quit looking at decorating magazines.

I've definitely found out that the grass-is-greener phenomenon happens to me. Sam and I spent 17 days in Texas for my brother's wedding, Christmas, and New Year's, and I realized that Texas is not the Utopia I pretend it is sometimes when New York gets frustrating. Actually, I even missed New York while I was there, so maybe I've turned some sort of corner. Texas - especially in the southern part - is very humid and warm, even at Christmas, and most of the restaurants are chains. I missed my little flower stands (at which you can get gerbera daisies even in January!) and cheap pizza and good Thai food. Maybe not so much the subway, but I did miss being able to walk to many of the places I needed to go.

In reality I had every reason in the world to be content, even before I got my Christmas loot. ;-) I have the best friends and family ever, and I seem to be lucky in finding more people like them even when I move away. And now, I have the grandfather of all Greek dictionaries, which has been termed by clever Classicists as the "Great Scott." (There are three dictionaries by Liddell and Scott, and the smallest is the Little Liddell, and the medium one is the Middle Liddell, and now I have the Great Scott.) And I have the cutest little red food processor, which looks great next to its mommy, the Kitchenaid mixer, and a date with Sam at the Irish Repertoiry Theater. And lots of new books, including one rather hard-to-find book in which C.S. Lewis writes not just popular stuff but literary criticism.

And I don't have a cat, which would get hair everywhere, or a puppy, which would be smelly and needy, or a baby, who would change everything. And for now, apparently, that is all for the best.

It's that time of the semester, again.

2010-12-04T20:59:00.001-08:00

For one of my Greek classes we are doing a huge metrical analysis project that involves frequency charts of dactyl/spondee rhythms and some other things. I think I like rhythm. I like the idea of predictable variation (which, incidentally, is not exactly what you get from Apollonius of Rhodes' Argonautica).

I almost like that at the end of every semester of grad school and college since I decided what to major in, I've gone through a sudden period of questioning everything about my decisions. Right around the time I start panicking about term papers and finals, I start wondering if academics is really "my thing," if maybe I would do better in a different discipline, if I should have taken time off between college and grad school to get practical work experience, or if I really just need to get started on having babies (you knew that one was coming). My current idea is that maybe I've lived my whole life based on a false dichotomy in which I think of myself as smart but not athletic, when really, it's the other way around, and I should be looking into a field that requires more manual than mental labor. I could be the most un-creepy construction worker ever.

It's good that semesters are rhythmical, because I know that these sort of thoughts are coming, so I can take care to disregard them when they do come.

Marriage is rhythmical. It fluctuates fairly predictably between the "I'm so lucky and ridiculously happy that everything is really funny all the time" part (95%) to the part where God teaches things like patience and unconditional love and shows you some of the parts of yourself it's more comfortable to forget about (5%).

I think the idea of a week is brilliant. Mondays you try to get stuff done, because you are super-motivated. Tuesdays you give up, and do laundry, because it's free soap day at the laundromat. Wednesdays you panic, and actually do a little work. Thursdays you are so busy all day you forget to be productive. On Fridays, it doesn't matter what happens, because it's Friday, which is cleaning day and therefore the best day, and anyway you can live through anything till your husband gets home. Saturdays are the wild card, and on Sundays you reward yourself for all those good intentions and get ready for another round.

And seasons are actually not at all overrated.

What I actually learned during finals week,

2010-05-23T18:38:00.000-07:00

when I was studying all that Homer, Vergil, and Lucretius.

1) They stopped putting caffiene in Monster engery drinks. I don't know when they did it, because in undergrad, I remember it being there, but Monster energy drinks no longer make me bounce off the wall.

2) Nobody really understands Vergil's Georgics. Nobody.

3) We Classicists make up a lot of things. Like the term, "didactic poetry."

4) When someone asks you a question you don't know how to answer, the best thing to say is, "I think it has something to do with the moon and the tides." This is a surprisingly versatile answer.

5) Starbucks' cinnamon coffee cake is really, really good. Almost makes up for the fact that all I ate that week besides Starbucks coffee cake was pizza, Chinese take-out, and Subway.

6) Washing dishes is fun! Compared to thumping my head against the wall trying to figure out how to write my term paper.

On an unrelated note, here's a little something for all the single ladies out there: a picture of post-marital laundry. Enjoy!

2010-04-04T18:37:00.000-07:00

A Whole New Life

2010-03-23T20:11:00.000-07:00

The title of this post is meant sarcastically. I've deleted my Facebook account, so this blog will probably get more attention. I will dedicate this blog post to happy things, because I've been thinking about unhappy things lately, and need to get them out of my head.

1) I've been ridiculously distracted by with shopping lately (probably to make up for the fact that Facebook can't distract me anymore). Especially for adorable dresses. I have a crazy affinity for cute dresses right now. Which makes very little sense, considering there are so few events in my life that call for adorable dresses. New York is not actually that glamorous when you live in it day to day. I think this affinity may harken back to a time exactly one year ago, when I was getting ready for the many, many events leading up to my wedding that required dresses. Also, as I mentioned, I haven't gained the Newlywed Nine, and have actually lost five, so that might have something to do with it. I'm getting good at finding dresses I really like and then finding them on sale somewhere online. My new favorite brands are BB Dakota and Max and Cleo. I told Sam a few minutes ago that I had found 100 dresses that I wanted very badly. I bought 3 of them today.

2) I'm getting tired of cooking the same things and have resolved to try at least one new recipe every week. This week I tweaked a new recipe for grilled salmon and made lemon pasta with roasted shrimp. Sam liked both a lot.

3) My precious baby brother turns five years old today. The picture of him and me is from two years ago. I sent him a big stuffed tiger for the occasion, which he named "Tika Tiger," and then just "Tiger," and he tells mom that "there is a beast in the house!" Stephanie got him a fish that sucks that algae from the side of his fishtank, and he named it "Algae-Sucker." He is the sweetest little boy in the world. As a toddler he used to insist on hugging all the stuffed animals by turn when he saw them sitting on the shelf in stores, and now his favorite thing to do is buy the kind of worms people use for fishing bait (with his own money) and then set them free in his backyard. I think he will be a philanthropist of some kind when he grows up. He writes me lots of letters, but I still can't believe he's five years old now.

4) My big presentation in Greek class is done with and now I just need to find a good topic for my Latin term paper so that I can get started over Easter break. That would make the end of my semester less stressful.

5) It is SPRING, finally, and all the wonderful things associated with this blessed season are beginning to happen. The weather has been incredibly refreshing, and Sam and I have started to spend time in Central Park. I've started my Spring cleaning and quite literally dusted off my flip-flops. The flower stands are starting to sell flowers other than roses, and very soon the asparagus you see in the grocery stores won't be brown and wilted. I've had a sort-of Spring break, Easter is coming up, and then my birthday, when I will turn 21 for the 3rd time! I think my third chance at being 21 will be the best yet.

6) My love-hate relationship with this city is growing. Sam and I have decided that off-Broadway plays are much better than Broadway plays. We found out that at the Irish Repetoire Theater they offer $20 tickets to people our age (yes, they know that I'm not really 21) and we saw a play by George Bernard Shaw that was really good. We were in the front row, so close to the acting that when they actors stormed off stage they had to be careful not to hit us.

7) I have an unadulterated love for Philadelphia after visiting it during Sam's and my mini-vacation long weekend "honeymoon" a couple of weeks ago. We got cheap bus tickets and splurged on the Omni hotel, only took a cab once and walked everywhere else because we were in such a great location. We ate at lots of good restaurants, saw a movie and a play, visited lots of historical sites, and even attended the same church that George Washington attended. I seem to like every city I go to instantly except New York, which is unfair for New York, because it's harder here since I have to live in it, but really, I think New York is just overrated. I will probably miss it when I leave, though.

Things that happen to people like me.

2010-02-02T10:19:00.000-08:00

I'm only taking two classes this semester, with not quite as intense homework loads as I imagined when I signed up for them, and between that and only working 12 hours a week as a graduate assistant, quite frankly, I have way too much time on my hands, and am by no means making good use of it.

So, in lieu of a blog about what I'm doing, since it seems that I'm doing as little as possible, I'm going to write my first blog with a theme: things that happen to people like me.

1) The Newlywed Nine. This is a thing that happens to people like me. I am very happy to report that it has not happened to me. Similar to the freshman 15 some people gain when they first go to college, the newlywed nine is weight that newlyweds often gain. I saw a statistic somewhere that said that people actually do gain an average of about 7-8 pounds their first year of marriage. Why is this?

2) Imposter Syndrome. This is a thing that happens to lots of people, often women, and often in the academy, and often to grad students. In other words, people like me. To be honest, I have to report that this happens to me all the time. Imposter Syndrome is not an official psycological malady. I didn't know that it was even something that happened to other people until my good friend Sara assured me that I'm not alone. What it means is that a person doesn't believe that he earned his achievements. I think almost everyday that I must have got into grad school because somehow I managed to look better on paper than I am in real life. I never think that I am sufficiently competent for the schoolwork I do, and I'm always pretty sure that my mediocrity will be found out soon and then they'll send me home (wherever that is) and tell me I'm not good enough to be among real academics. On the other hand, I do think I'd make a good housemaid. I'm getting good at cleaning all sorts of different surfaces in my apartment, now that I have so much time.

3) Other things that happen to people like me. We walk past the doors of the classrooms we are supposed to go into, and then have to turn around abruptly a few minutes later when we realize we are walking nowhere. We get on the subway going the wrong direction, don't realize it for a few stops, then get out, walk across the street, and get on the same wrong subway. We go to work and hope that the professors have found something for us to do to make us feel important, so that we do not have to sit in a graduate student office, thinking that it would be a bad idea to get on Facebook right now. We think of answers to questions that come up in class, but refrain from suggesting them because surely someone else would've thought of that if it were correct, then listen while someone else laboriously proposes said answer, which is confirmed. We look around frantically for the book we have just finished copying, only to have another grad student take it out of the copyer and hand it to us. We misplace the cellphone into which we are talking. (Really, one day I was talking to my mom, and told her I had to hang up because I'd lost my phone). Sometimes we eat lunch alone and look so pathetic that they busboys feel sorry for us and decide to flirt with us. Our husbands say things to us like, "Ashley, I don't have time for you to get irritated with me if I'm going to be working out everyday."

Maybe that last one only happens to me. I thought it was the funniest thing Sam ever said. We were almost fighting when he said it but then I had to laugh for about five minutes.

Rambles

2009-10-25T12:44:00.000-07:00

I've decided I like Boston better than New York. But New York is okay. Maybe I just like Boston more because I was visiting lots of friends and having fun and in New York I actually have to figure out how to live and work and study.

There are a lot of alarming stories going around about the economy and people in their twenties, which are making me definitely want to stay in school and maybe work a bit harder at it. I guess time's up for wondering what to do with my life; it's time to do something. Americans in general are taking longer than they used to to grow up. But you can't just find a great job easily these days; you have to be competitive. And I want that dog and fireplace and baby someday, and I want money for dogfood and firewood and swingsets, so I'm going to try getting a degree that will possibly land me a decent job. The good thing about jobs as professors is that if you get tenure, you've got a decent salary and amazing job security. The bad thing is, tenure-track positions are difficult to get and so is tenure.

I wasn't really ever considering dropping out, anyway; I've just realized how little choice I really have. Anyway I'll probably enjoy it more if I work harder at it. And I didn't choose all the best classes this semester, but I will for next semester.

Midterms are over, thank goodness! Except for French, which does not at all worry me. I haven't got my grades back from the midterms so I'm still anxious about that but at least I can move on to think about other things.

Inspired by H and her pretty apartment, I am looking into making small upgrades on the cuteness of mine. We got a new couch, and although it is smaller and less comfy that the old one, I think it's much cuter, and there's no need for a slipcover that must be constantly re-adjusted, and anyway I think a smaller couch fits my small living room better. They always say it's important to have your furniture be to scale. I've found some pretty red vases to go in the living room, and I'm going to add some picture frames that match the ones I have and put pictures of my family and Sam's from the wedding in them, and Sam doesn't necessarily know this, but we're definitely getting a nice-looking chair to go with the couch, and I've found that cinnamon sticks make a great natural potpourri.

Poor Sam. Yesterday before our date night I dragged him through Bed, Bath and Beyond, Gracious Home and Pottery Barn. We're headed to Ikea next weekend, even though it's all the way down in Brooklyn. I've actually never been to Brooklyn before. I've been to Queens, but only accidentally when I took a subway train in the wrong direction.

We had Sunday brunch today, which seems like a very New York thing to do. I've definitely perfected my french toast recipe, and we've decided to make it a Christmas morning tradition. We booked our tickets to go back to Texas for Christmas. To save money, we're flying on Christmas afternoon and flying back New Year's Day.

I'm always looking for recipes of the cheap/healthy/quick/tasty persuasion, so if you have any that meet any of these qualifications, please share. I especially like things I can prepare ahead of time and cook at the last minute, so that I can cook ahead on weekends.

Why do weekends end so quickly? I'm not ready for another week, and I'm especially not ready to start thinking about term papers.

Another Tuesday has finally ended

2009-10-07T11:49:00.001-07:00

Tuesdays have been my least favorite day for a while now. Yesterday was one of those Tuesdays where nothing I tried to do seemed to work out. And the buses and subways were particularly irrational. I tried a different route for my Tuesday commute after hearing about a crime comitted at one of my subway stops at the exact time that I'm usually there (only it was a Sunday, not a Tuesday). So I ended up on a bus, which I had been on before, and it should've stopped right outside the gate of the campus, but it didn't - it kept going. That is the worst feeling in the world, to be on a crowded bus that has just passed your stop. Fortunately it stopped probably less that 1/4 mile away, so it wasn't a big deal. And then I called Sam to have him meet me at the subway stop that the bus took me to so that we could right home together and I wouldn't have to wait at the stop alone, but he had to wait 1/2 for the subway to get there and I did have to wait alone, although I wouldn't have had to if I hadn't called him, because the train got there right when I did.

You just can't beat this city. You just have to accept it. Which I can usually do, except after such a long day as yesterday was. Suddenly I've got a lot of work to do for my assistantship. In addition to cataloging books and helping another professor with lots of different projects, I'm going to be holding review sessions once a week for a beginning Latin class and office hours for a Greek class. Two weeks from today I have my first midterm, and two weeks from tomorrow I have a midterm and a presentation in the same class.

So it's not really getting cold in New York, but the other day the apartment apparently decided it was cold enough for the heater to turn on. Our heat is included in our rent so we don't really pay for it (at least not separately) and we also don't, apparently, control it. There are two strange-looking contraptions, one in the living room and one in the bedroom, which, come to find out, are called radiators. I maybe knew this a long time ago before I moved to Texas, where turning on the heater really just means turning off the air conditioner.

Anyway, these heaters naturally deemed it appropriate for themselves to turn on one late night when Sam was gone and I was tired from class. They did so with very strange noises coming from the bedroom, and I, ever-paranoid about burlaries even when they are physically impossible, went to see what was happening there. There were strange hissing noises coming from the white thing in the corner that sounded rather sinister. My first thought was, "oh my gosh, it's a gas leak, and I'm going to die." I've heard about gas leaks and I've seen the people in movies who turn on their gas stoves to commite suicide, and then think better of it. (I don't usually watch movies in which people think of suicide without thinking better of it). Then I thought, "no, don't be ridiculous, it's just noisy because this is the first time it's come on this winter." So I went back to the living room.

Usually at night I get unreasonably hyper after feeling sleepy all day, but that night I felt ridiculously drowsy. This worried me, because I was pretty sure drowsiness was one of the symptoms of dying from inhaling gas. So I thought, "maybe I should call my parents." But I didn't want to sound silly so I put off calling them until it occured to me, that if I were to die, it might look like a suicide, unless I called someone.

They said it was fine but I opened a window for ventilation, just in case.

Ashy so tired...

2009-09-27T12:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I feel vindicated. I spent $185 on my winter coat, and it was on sale from $300. I thought it was a pretty good deal. Unfortunately, as I was walking to the subway stop one day very soon after I bought those shoes, some guy (who was pacing back and forth across the sidewalk talking on his cell phone and paying no attention to people who were actually using the sidewalk properly) stepped on the back of my heel and stretched out one of my shoes. Grrr... I kind of felt like an angry New Yorker at that point.

Grad school is hard. It's a lot of work. Sometimes I wonder, why did I try so hard to get here? Why didn't I pick a major that would allow me to get a real job right out of college and then make a decent salary and live in some nice suburb and get a dog and have a baby? And a fireplace, I've always loved fireplaces...

Oh, well. This is where I am for now and maybe once I actually get to feeling like I know what I'm doing, I'll remember why I thought I wanted to do it.

The one thing I never question is why I married Sam. I've never really had any doubts about him. I love being married. I remember reading in a magazine once a long time ago about the 10 things people never tell you about marriage, or something like that. Most of them weren't that surprising, but the one I actually remember was that once you get married, you feel a stronger common identity with your spouse - you feel more embarrassed when they do something embarrassing, more proud when they do something impressive, etc. I think this is actually true and one of the few things that really changed much when we got married. It might be this that leads to the other thing that changed, which is that we argue a bit more than we used to.

Of course, what everybody always tells you is true is that you have to work hard to communicate with your spouse. Sometimes they have different "love languages." A lot of this is psycho-babble, I know, but I think it is important to let people who love you know what you need, because most of the time, they want to give it to you and just don't know how. For instance, when I have a bad day, I go up to Sam, lift his arms up, and get in them. If he starts to pull away before I'm ready, I just say, "No. The hug is not over." Men can understand messages like this.

I'm not always so direct. The other day I noticed that the roses I had in my little bud vase were dying, so I said to Sam, "If you were thinking about surprising me with something today, I'm definitely NOT expecting a few stems of red carnations like the ones they sell at the stand down the street on the corner...that would be such a surprise." He didn't jump on this opportunity so at lunch I threw away the dead roses, filled my vase with clean water, and called attention to our lovely centerpiece. He agreed that it was nice, and I said, "yes, but don't you feel as if something might be missing?" Can you guess what my thoughtful husband surprised me with later that afternoon? I couldn't contain my amazement. It really was such a surprise.

In general, though, it's best to be very direct with men, so the other evening I told Sam he needed to use more pet names when addressing me. By "pet names," I mean terms of endearment, but Sam took me a little bit too literally, and now calls me "Spot."

My Tuesday Commute

2009-09-16T10:49:00.000-07:00

Starts with 6 blocks of walking, then three different subway trains, then another 1/2 mile of walking. It takes over an hour, and at the end of the day I have to do it over again.

My graduate assistantship, so far, means that I'm making a catalogue of books and assisting in research, which means working on bibliographies, getting books from the library, and helping to proofread things.

I have four classes, since I added French for Reading, and they are on three different campuses. I like the CUNY Graduate Center best, because it's on Fifth Avenue, and I get an irrational sense of importance when I go to Fifth Avenue and I'm actually supposed to be there. The Fordham Rose Hill campus is prettiest, but all the buildings look similar and I still get lost.

The nice thing about commuting on a subway is that you can use the time in ways you couldn't if you were driving. If it's not so crowded that I'm crammed in between a bunch of people (and trying to pretend I don't notice them, which is how New Yorkers seem to deal with this unnatural closeness between strangers) I usually read or write letters. It's harder to do homework, since for me that always involves balancing a dictionary, book, and notebook, but sometimes I try.

I seem to be spending less time in class than I did in undergrad, but a lot more time on homework, which I actually don't mind so much. It's weird for me that Sam isn't in school with me, and that he never has any homework. I guess it's probably weird for him, too. He went off with a friend today to visit the Natural Science Museum. I couldn't go because I have class soon.

But the weekend cometh! Last weekend I took Sam shopping for cool-weather clothes. He lasted the whole day. I found a warm-enough-even-for-winter coat and some non-flip-flops shoes that are actually comfortable enough to walk around the city in. It was a good day. I'm definitely not used to buying the kind of clothes you need in New York. Question: how much would you spend for a winter coat? I think Sam may have thought I spent too much on mine, but I figured it was something you shouldn't skimp on.

A Displaced Southern Bell Navigates NYC

2009-08-07T13:37:00.000-07:00

My classes don't actually start until September 2, so for these few weeks I'm adjusting to married life in this apartment.

The closest "supermarket" sells several fruits I don't recognize either by sight or by their Spanish names, but not parmesan cheese. Anybody have a good recipe involving quail eggs? I found yeast, finally, at a Kosher grocery store. There's also a tiny "gourmet" place that sells things with labels in alphabets I can't even read. I think it's mostly Turkish and maybe Russian things, but there was definitely some butter from Germany. Lots of marshmellow figures covered in chocolate.

Our apartment looks pretty cute with all of our new wedding presents and the slipcovered sofa and the bookshelves we put up. There are pictures on Facebook. My awesome in-laws helped us move. It's very small, so everything just fits and if one thing is out of place I feel like the whole apartment is a mess. Actually, though, it's decently-sized for NYC. We have a separate kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom, and there's enough room in the living room for part of it to be the dining room. There were no blinds when we moved in, and all our windows face the courtyard, so everyone could see everything we were doing. We have curtains up now, but I wonder sometimes about the people that have lived here for a long time and have never done anything about window treatments. You can see into their places anytime you want. It's creepy. We also had to put in a small air conditioner. It's pretty humid here if not hot, and when we opened the windows to get a little breeze we also got all the smells and sounds of all our neighbors' lives.

One thing I learned that may be useful to anyone moving: those "thermal" curtains that say they block out light and help insulate your room so it stays cooler/warmer, really do work. We have them in the bedroom and it's usually the coolest room of the apartment, even without the ac on. When I first say them I thought probably all curtains do the same thing, but they don't. All window treatments are not created equal.

I have now found a fairly normal sized grocery store (about a 20-30 minute ride on the subway from my neighborhood) and have figured out how to get my laundry from the apartment to the laundromat. I use the little red cart-thing my mother in law bought us. It's kind of like something you'd see a homeless person using. But everyone uses it here, even cute people in their 30's and 20's. When I'm ironing, though, you can't really get from the living room to the bedroom or bathroom. My ironing board folds down from the door of our hall closet and blocks the way. I've also located the post-office box and got my NYC library card. We've found a church that we think we may like. It has two services. The one on Sunday nights is where a lot of graduate students and people our age go, and the one in the morning is mostly families. So far we've gone to the one at night but I think I might like to try both, because I like going to church with older people and little kids.

I've found that I'm kind of territorial in the kitchen. I've waited a long time to have my very own kitchen. I've also found that "what do you want for dinner?" is an impossible question to answer. I found this out when someone asked me this. So now I try to give Sam a couple of options to choose from. Much better results. Even restaurants offer choices rather than a blank, "what do you want?"

I'm having trouble getting my paperwork straight with Fordham. I need to let them know that I've legally changed my name before I fill out the payroll paperwork, but none of the numbers I call seem to result in an answer. They just let the phone ring forever and there's no answering machine. I also do not know where my classes are. Two of them will be on the CUNY campus (City University of New York - and there are a LOT of campuses). My registration doesn't list the place or instructer or what books I'm going to need. All I know is that they are in Manhattan, somewhere, and so am I.

Marriage is completely different from dating/being engaged, but it's mostly fun. We're coming up with our own family traditions. We eat breakfast for dinner on Friday nights, have Bible studies together, and don't answer our phones when we're eating together. I think what makes marriage different from dating is that when you're dating, you focus on all the things you have in common. When you're married, you have to confront all of the things you don't have in common and learn to reconcile your different ways of living, and working, and coping with stress, etc. And you have to face the reality that everything you do, every little weakness you indulge, affects someone else. It affects the person you most care about in the world.

Well, I should get back to studying. I'm trying to get prepared for graduate school. So intimidating. I'm also working my way through the many seasons of Seinfeld. I like it because it's a cheerful way of looking at New York.

p.s. - the shopping here is fabulous, and if anyone wants to visit me, we have a sleeper sofa and I would love the company. :-)

Reflections on marriage from the new Mrs. Cole

2009-07-03T20:13:00.000-07:00

I'm married! And, after nearly a week, starting to feel like it.

The wedding was crazy stressful up till about 2 hours beforehand, and then it was like a very fast-moving dream. My bridesmaids and other friends are absolutely the most wonderful people in the world, and proved it once again by the amazing job they did taking care of me that day and making everything beautiful with their lovely selves, voices, and thoughtfulness. I'd be the luckiest girl in the world even if I didn't have Sam, because of them! Although the wedding would have been awkward. :-) Either my friends, family, or Sam alone would be enough to make me the luckiest girl, but the combination of all three makes me triply ridiculously blessed. Sarah, Sara, Sarah, Amanda, Lulu, Brie, Julia, Lillian, Stephanie, Hannah, Erica, Jessi - ya'll are amazing and I hope I can be there for you, too, someday, wedding or otherwise.

We are still on our honeymoon in Portland, Oregon. Sam says that it is the most depressed city in the US, according to some statistics or other. I think I'm starting to see why. It's very post-modern. Within walking distance of our hotel there are restaurants of every ethnicity you could think of (including Irish, German, Lebonese and Bosnian). Almost everybody dresses in that weird, hippy/goth kind of way, as if they were trying to be individualistic, but they all look so much the same that they cease to be interesting. Sam's favorite quote is true - "chaos is dull." There's something very unconnected about everything. The Japanese and Chinese gardens here are supposed to be the most authentic in North America. It's as if the people in Portland have sort of re-created "authentic" cultural experiences from all around the world, but don't realize they lost something in the translation. This is really hard to say. It's a beautiful city but I can sort of sense the ennui. Maybe what they lost was a sense of connectedness to the art (including culinary) that makes the culture meaningful. I think that's what's depressing about post-modernism. Things don't seem to mean anything anymore.

On another note, our hotel is fabulous! It's very old-fashioned with bell boys and each person at the desk is also a concierge, and there is a beautiful restaurant and bar in the lobby. It's themed on Old Hollywood, which we were afraid might be cheesy, but they did it very well. And we both love old movies! The other night we watched Casa Blanca, which is very romantic and meaningful for us, because it was right after watching it for the first time that I first told Sam that I loved him, too. That was about a year ago now.

I have so many other stories...honeymoons are awesome. We've decided we'd like to honeymoon for a living, and write a book called "How to Honeymoon Like a Pro" (the irony is, of course, that no one is actually a professional at honeymooning). :-)

The subway is interesting. People seem to forget that they are in public and have the most awkward conversations. They fight and cry and complain about their 6 kids and invite you out to the Irish Pub practically in one breath.

More on honeymoon later. I never finished that scrapbook so I've decided to start writing my love story here, in small pieces. Those who are squeamish about sap are advised to read with caution.

Sam and I met in the beloved "Lounge of Destiny," the nickname for the Classics Department Lounge. But before we met we had a Religion class together. There were about 40 students and we sat on opposite sides of the room. But some enchanted evening - I mean Monday morning at about 11:00, when our class started, Sam and I noticed each other, across a classroom crowded with bored students. For me it was a quickly-developed crush, although we hadn't met. I thought he was very cute and noticed that when he asked or answered questions in class they were thoughtful and well-phrased. Plus he knew Latin and had a proper respect for the philosophers I liked. Sam told me later that he thought I was the prettiest girl in the class and that when he saw me, he actually started wondering if love at first sight were possible. He thought about going home and saying to his roommate, "I saw this girl in Religion and I'm going to marry her." This is the kind of thing someone in a movie might have actually said. But Sam is far too rational, and told himself that he was being irrational, and that it wasn't good to like someone based only on physical appearance.

:-)

I think that's funny.

Story Time

2009-06-02T12:18:00.000-07:00

Last week I had my first wedding nightmare.

We were getting ready to start the processional for the ceremony, at a church I didn't recognize. It was one of those huge circular or semi-circular churches with about a million different aisles, and we weren't sure which one we were supposed to enter. We weren't sure which bridesmaid was supposed to go first, either, or when she was supposed to go. Stephanie and Lillian kept poking their heads out to see and looked ridiculous until finally they all went. Then I told Matthew to go, and he promptly took off in the direction of the choir pit, not to be seen again.

Then it was my turn, I assumed, but then I realized that my dad wasn't there. It took me a while to find him and then he looked at me and was like, "why are you in those clothes? why aren't you wearing your dress? Go put your dress on!" And I looked down and thought, now this is interesting, why am I not in my dres? So I put it on and then realized that it was not my dress. It was a very cute Jane Austin style dress with an empire waist and long sleeves, and the bodice was a yellowy cream color and the rest was white. But it certainly wasn't my wedding dress and I came out and I was like, "Dad, I don't think this is my dress." And he got really impatient like I was being ridiculously picky and was like, "Ashley, just wear that dress and stop worrying. We have to go!" So we went down the long, long aisle.

When we got to the altar there was another couple in the middle of their ceremony! I was really embarassed and started ackwardly backing up, and I turned to my dad and said, "why did we come so early? It isn't even our turn yet!" Then I looked at the bridesmaids.

There were six girls in dresses of the correct cornflower hue, and three or four other girls, whom I didn't recognize, in their own dresses of various patterns, standing with the bridesmaids and talking to them. But I didn't recognize two or three of the bridesmaids, either, so I asked them who they were. Then Sara Garrett, with exaggerated patience, said to me, "well, Ashley, Erica couldn't make it, so she sent a replacement. But she fits the dress." And then I asked who the other girls were. The unidentified bridemaids explained that they had brought friends along to talk to in case they got bored. Then I asked Erica's representative what her name was and she said, "Ashley Diane."

But that's my name.

Right before I woke up I remember being relieved to think that maybe it wasn't the real wedding, but only the rehearsal, and then I was relieved to realize it was only a dream. Apparently I should have asked Erica to be a bridesmaid, although I sincerely hope, Erica, that you come yourself and don't send some replacement who has my name as a hostess. I want to see your very own face! :-)

A couple of nights ago I had a sequel to this wedding nightmare. It was set during the reception. I'm not sure what I was wearing but I remember thinking it couldn't have been my beautiful white gown because everyone was ignoring me. It was like it was Sam's party and not mine at all. I didn't even seem to be there in the capacity of his girlfriend, let alone his bride. Sam did all the cake cutting and everything and was being toasted and cheered and he ignored me along with the rest of the guests, most of whom I didn't know. So I got some cake and drinks with Sara and Sarah and we went to a little corner and ate and I think had a really nice girl talk, like old times. Then suddenly the reception was over and the party was breaking up and I realized I was supposed to go with Sam on his honeymoon and suddenly I got really angry, and thought, (sarcastically) "this guy's going to have a really fun honeymoon after what he did to me! I'm not even going to speak to him the next 11 days!" Then I woke up.

Sam has assured me he will not forget about me at our wedding.

I really wanted to post some wedding-planning pictures I've been taking, but in moving from the dorm I seem to have misplaced the cord that lets me get pictures from my camera to my computer, so here's what I have. They are of me at the opera in January, of my desk while I was writing the thesis, of me with my future sister-in-law and of course, of the back of my dress!

30 days

2009-05-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

More and more things are getting checked off my to-do list, which I have just finished making. (Check!)

I had my dress fitting complete with all the proper underpinnings, and I think I have all my accessories ready except for earrings. For my "something old," I'm wearing a diamond tennis bracelet that belonged to my dear Grandmom who died about ten years ago. For my "something borrowed" my other grandmother (Nano) has loaned me a necklace that has a very pretty and delicate diamond pendant. I have a garter and of course, my shoes and veil. I don't think I'm going to put anything in my hair except the veil but I still have not settled on a hairstyle. The dress is new and I also have something blue.

We tested cakes Wednesday and decided on the Mexican Vanilla. It's unique to the bakery we chose, I think, and has cinnamon in it. I love cinnamon. Our cake is going to be 4 tiers, I think, with flat-front buttercream icing, a simple border, real rose petals for decoration, and our initials as a cake topper. I kind of like non-fussy things, but they said fondant was hard to work with and I don't think very many people like the taste of it, so I think this cake will be perfect.

Sam got measured for his tux and ordered his groomsmen gifts. We're working on photos for the slideshow, mix cds for the reception, and a scapbook/story book detailing the story of how we met and fell in love, etc. I've never done a scrapbook before but I think our story is pretty awesome and worth writing down. I'm hoping to get it done and have it displayed, along with bridal portraits and engagement pictures, at the table where the guest book will be.

I have to go back up to Waco in another couple of weeks to try on my dress. Meanwhile I'll be getting organized, trying to make money, working out and actually enjoying being a bride. :-) My bridesmaids, groom, and other friends have been awesomely awesome and I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Another Matthew story:

Today I tied our wedding rings on the little pillow and asked him to practice his special job for the ceremony. He was too hyper at first but when Dad came home I said, "let's show Daddy what you're going to do at the wedding," and he got excited. Mom played the part of Stephanie, the Maid of Honor, and told him to let her walk a little and then follow. He giggled a lot, let her walk and then ran across the living room and threw the pillow down. Mom says he'll be fine when it's time for the actual ceremony, but will probably want a little microphone time at the reception. I wonder if it's every customary for the Ring Boy to give a toast?

He's declared tomorrow to be a holiday, Apple Pie Day, and assures me that I will be permitted to assist in the baking of the Apple Pie, provided that I promise not to "cook wrong."

Gittin' 'Er Dun

2009-05-23T22:02:00.002-07:00

I've worked out 5 times this week, had four shifts at work (and tomorrow's a double), played a lot with Matthew and...

this wedding is so going to happen. I ordered my shoes, bridesmaids' gifts, and cake topper. I bought a dress for the rehearsal dinner, arranged for a fitting for my wedding dress and cake testing, called the marriage license place, and got an email saying the ring bearer pillow has come in.

Matthew doesn't like being called a "Ring Bearer." He says, "I'm not a bear, I'm a boy!" So we call him the Ring Boy. :-) I can't wait to see him in his little tux - he's going to look sooo cute! Not unlike the groom. :-)

Gittin'

2009-05-23T22:02:00.001-07:00

Transition Time

2009-05-19T10:55:00.000-07:00

Well, undergraduate college is over. Everything got done and I graduated from the honors program. I moved out of the dorm and now I'm here in Corpus, with four goals: make $$, work out, spend time with my parents and little brother, and finish wedding planning.

I've written most of my thank-you notes for the various wedding showers and I check the mail everyday for response cards so I can get a better idea of the number of people to expect. Sam and I have to go back to Waco soon for cake testing, and I have to have a dress fitting. Sam booked the honeymoon, though, so we're officially going to Portland, Oregon for ten days. We also have all the flowers for people to wear/carry ordered as well as centerpieces for the reception tables. The people doing the cake are also providing the pretty disposable things and drinks. I still have to get together some photos for the slideshow at the rehearsal dinner, find a dress for the rehearsal dinner, buy shoes for the wedding, order rental tablecloths, pick out the appetizers and find serving platters for them, plan the bachelorette party, finish thank-yous...

Matthew keeps peaking over my shoulder to see if the cursor is a dinosaur or not.

I'm actually a lot less stressed out now that I don't have to go to school. Tonight I start work again at the restaurant. Yay waitressing! It kind of sucks but it's nice to bring home cash every night.

I'm a bad Classicist.

2009-04-19T20:41:00.000-07:00

I just split an infinitive. ~It will be unambiguously a compliment to be told, "oh my gosh, you look so young!

It's tomorrow

2009-04-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my thesis defense, at 2:00 pm, in the "Lounge of Destiny," the Classics lounge, where I first decided to study abroad in Italy, met Sam, accepted Sam's proposal, found out that I got funding at Fordham for grad school, and had lots of other moments that probably changed my life but seemed less significant at the time.

Then at around 6 I have to present my thesis again, this time not in front of a panel of professors, just as an informal presentation for other honors people.

I wrote 60 pages on True Place Names: Toponyms and Topography in the Poetry of Catullus, and I still don't really feel like I know anything about the topic. I have no idea what questions my panel will ask me...

Other than that I have two presentations, two term papers, a couple of tests and three finals before I'm done on May 8 and graduate on May 16th. These next two weeks are going to be crazy...

I wish I had more plans settled. Tomorrow I will know whether I'm going to accept Fordham's offer or whether we're going to go to D.C. if Sam gets an offer from Catholic University of America. But as far as an apartment, or something to do after the honeymoon, or even a honeymoon booked, I've got nothing.

On a brighter note, last night I was given the most awesome bridal shower ever by three of my very awesome bridesmaids. It was the first bridal shower in our little group, but they are quite natural at throwing these things. All the games were really fun, and it was all sweet and perfect. And now I have grown-up things like a toaster and a clock and a crock-pot and a cake stand and a casserole dish and real china and candle sticks. I also have casual dishes and a vacuum cleaner. I feel like I'm gettin' ready to play house. :-)

And I'm 22 now. I tried to pass it off as my "second" 21st birthday, but one should be honest in one's blogs, so I'm 22. I do not, however, look nearly my age. I can't wait till I'm 40, and I look like I'm 30. Then it will unambiguously be a compliment to be told, "oh my gosh, you look so young!"

When I graduate...I will do fun things again.

I'm going to go Salsa dancing...and buy new clothes for my honeymoon...and celebrate people's brithdays...and probably work as a waitress again until the wedding.

yay.

I shouldn't be doing this...

2009-04-10T14:55:00.000-07:00

No one ever blogs anymore. :-( I am apparently the last to realize that the trend is ending.

I have my thesis defense in 10 days. I'm sooooooo ready for it to be over. Actually I'm mostly ready for the whole semester to be over. My last final is in 4 weeks exactly. That feels so good to say.

So right now I'm working on my thesis. I have to mail it to my readers very soon and there's so much work left, but I'm gritting my teeth and bearing it because soon soon soon it will be out of my life. And I'm also trying to keep Sam from seeing what I'm actually doing, because until....now, dang it...he thought I was actually working on my thesis. I have to go now.

Updated Count-down

2009-02-26T13:31:00.001-08:00

Doing this helps me feel more organized, and puts pressure on me to get some work done already.

So far I have 3 rejections from the 7 graduate schools to which I applied. If somehow one or more of the remaining 4 actually accepts me, I have 48 days until I must give them a decision.

My thesis is due in 28 days. !!!

In 35 days, Brie is coming to visit me! Whoo!

In 49 days I turn 22.

In about 58 days, Sam and I will have our couple's shower. :-)

In 79 days, we will graduate college.

In 121 days, we will get married.

After that...no one knows yet. If one of us gets into graduate school, we will probably move there in early August. If not, we will be applying for teaching positions at high schools, and there is no telling in what city we may live. I would kind of prefer to stay in Waco, if we can, and teach here, but that may not be practical or the best thing to do.

I wish I knew already what was going to happen after the honeymoon, but right now is the waiting time. ~sigh~

Confessions of a sometimes-quiet person

2009-02-21T10:26:00.000-08:00

Do you know, even though for the first 18 or so years of my life, I was a very quiet person, and I am still (though to a lesser extent) an "introvert," it recently ocurred to me that I don't actually understand other quiet people any better than "extroverts" do?

"We are each of a taciturn nature, unwilling to say anything unless we are convinced that it will astound the whole room." (Elizabeth Bennet, very badly quoted from Pride and Prejudice)*

I think I tend to assume this is the rule for all quiet people. It's really not always true. Quiet people aren't necessarily so far above the rest of us that they can only condescend to speak occasionally. Sometimes when they do finally say something, it isn't revolutionary or insightful or even interesting. Maybe they had something scintillating to say a few moments ago in the conversation, but it moved too quickly for their careful manners to allow them to interrupt. Often they are left with only very inane comments to serve as their contribution, when such contribution is finally extracted from them. It's impossible to know, with a quiet person, if he or she is taking part in the conversation at all, sometimes. It might be that the quiet person is absorbed in train of thought that started with the conversation but quickly digressed into something more substantial, or the quiet person might just be studying someone else's shoes, wondering how your hand movements have anything to do with what you are saying, or worse, wondering when you are going to stop talking.

It's impossible to know, and I think it is a little bit unfair to both sides. The extrovert doesn't know if he or she is dominating the conversation too much, not asking the right questions, or annoying the person by persisting in the conversation (although an extrovert might feel a personal responsibility in keeping the conversation alive since, after all, conversation is the extrovert's gift). The introvert doesn't want to be rude but also doesn't want to be forced to speak at a moment when he or she actually has nothing to say on the subject (like when, in a moment of self-aware generosity, the extrovert feels compassion on the introvert and decides to draw him or her into the conversation by suddenly pausing with a "what do you think?"), and may feel a little guilty sharing his or her most intelligent comments since, after all, conversation is the extrovert's gift, and it would be humiliating for an extrovert to appear inferior in conversation to an introvert. Or sometimes quite the opposite is the case, and the introvert is simply to intimidated to collect their thoughts into something both intellible and audible.

Personally I think that I don't mind talking about anything except those subjects about which I have no knowledge, like most sports, video games, and celebrities. I am willing to ask questions enough to stay somewhat in the conversation on the first subject, because I think sports are an interesting kind of ritual for today's society, but as for the last two, I find them so boring I would rather stare at my own shoes than attempt to be interested in them.

*If someone should let me know what the actual quote is, I would be forever indebted to you for saving me from plagiarism.

Well, I'm all grown-up now

2009-02-03T13:49:00.003-08:00

First rejection letter from a graduate school. Good thing I'm so good at waitressing...

Don't. . . panic. . . yet. . .

2009-01-30T09:42:00.000-08:00

In 56 days the entire draft of my thesis is due. In 75 days all decisions (assuming I receive any acceptance letters between now and then) to graduate schools are due. In 80 days, I will be defending my thesis in front of a panel that includes the chair of the Classics department from Columbia University. In 106 days (I think) I will graduate from college. In 148 days, I'm going to marry Samuel Callison Cole.

I don't really feel ready for any of this. Except the last one. :-) Love story to follow when I have time to write it.

On Work Ethics

2008-11-18T21:29:00.000-08:00

If I didn't have papers to write, I would never get anything else done. :-) Fortunately, the prudent professors at Baylor are more than happy to see to it that my productivity levels in all other areas of my life remain high by assigning plenty of these. Right now I am *working* on my term paper for History of Modern European Philosophy class. And also updating, to let y'all know what's "new and exciting in my life" as Sara always demands.

There isn't much going on in my life besides school, really. When I'm not in class or doing homework, I help other people with their homework as a part-time job or teach at Sylvan Learning Center.

That can't be true. Dad came up to visit last weekend to see the Baylor vs. A&M game. I didn't go to the game, but I had lunch with him and Brian and David. It's kind of a shame that I didn't go to the game, though, because this is the first time we have won against the aggies since I started at Baylor, and the last time we will play them before I graduate. I stayed at the dorm because I was going to work on my thesis, although really all I did was sleep all afternoon because I was starting to get sick.

And...before that, Sam had a friend come to town so we made dinner and went to see Quantum of Solace. Boys are good people, they really are, but I don't think I will every learn to properly enjoy action movies. I didn't hate it, but it was probably kind of wasted on me. After the movie we had to go out and celebrate because Sam's roommate got into med school. It's really nice to know people who are achieving things, so that you have an excuse to celebrate while you're still waiting on your own achievements to materialize.

And...after that, Sam and I taught Sunday school at church. It is suprising how intimidating a group of small children can be if you realize you're supposed to teach them something. But it was a lot of fun and I think it went as well as could be expected. Then we went to lunch at someone's house with a big group of people, because the church was doing a meal-in-peoples'-homes thing. It's a nice tradition, really. I love the South.

We're reading Nietzche now in Existentialism. My Intro to Philosophy course ended with Nietzche, and my History of Modern European Philosophy course seems like it's going to end with Nietzche. It's kind of strange, especially at a place like Baylor, that we seem to let him have the final word so often. But I think probably it's really good to end with Nietzche, because it's hard to forget him, so I suppose it makes it impossible to stop thinking about philosophy entirely, even after you take the final. I think he's probably one of my favorite atheists.

It's strange to imagine that a week from today it will already be Thanksgiving Break and Sam and I will be driving to New Mexico for part I of the holiday. It's even stranger to be grown-up enough to have Thanksgiving in parts. And 30 days from now, the entire semester will be over: all the papers written, (hopefully) revised, and turned in; the exams studied for and taken, the applications (again, hopefully) completed, the degree audit with that "magic sentence" turned in.

It's good to remember that once in a while. My goal for the rest of the semester is no longer to make good grades but just to get all the work done. With that said, I should probably get back to it.

Oh, it is love. . . and November!

2008-11-02T18:46:00.000-08:00

History repeats itself. I am now supposed to be writing another 9-10 page paper for my Augustine class, and finding sweet procrastination in you, O blog.
This month is going to be ridiculously busy, and ridiculously wonderful. I have grad school applications, personal statement to write, about 5 (?) 10-page papers, my 2nd thesis chapter to write and 1st chapter to make longer and prettier, THANKSGIVING in about 4 places (Clovis, Ft. Sumner, Waco, Victoria - yup, 4), as well as the work for my Greek honors contract due and of course, lovely exams, hundreds of lines of Virgil to translate, reading till my eyes start to cross...and probably dozens of my favorite people to spend time with. :-)
Disturbing story time! A little kid at the Halloween party that our church put on was dressed up as a member of the KKK!!! He came up to pick out some ducks from the little wading pool and get some candy and I think I said something like "awww, what a cute little ghost - oh, wait!" It was definitely scary.
The good news to cheer you up at the beginning of this month:

1. As of Tuesday, the election will be over, and hopefully after a few weeks people will stop being ridiculous about it! Hurray!

2. THANKSGIVING is only about three weeks away!

3. Thanks to our sad lil' economy, gas prices have plummeted.

4. It's beginning to look like a lot like autumn, and coffee houses everywhere are turning out warm and cozy flavors!

5. Apparently, I'm a huge slacker, and this usually makes people feel better about themselves. So be comforted, over-achievers! There are achievers everywhere who look up to you without the slightest bit of envy. ;-)

Another lovely weekend

2008-10-11T20:50:00.000-07:00

Skipping class, feeling good about taking a very stressful exam, reading a novel (the French don't suck at literature after all - after reading so much atheistic existentialism, I thought for a while they might ought to just stay in the kitchen where they belong, but after reading Marcel and Mauriac, I've decided that they are welcome in the library as well*) all afternoon, Crane Scholar's dinner - during which I decided that it may actually be possible to be a good mother and an academic, not that this is important information for me personally, going to a cocktail party for a new friend's birthday, reading aloud with someone, sleeping, tutoring, having lunch with my wonderful roommate, researching for a 10-page paper due Tuesday for my Augustine class, babysitting the most hyper 3-year-old I've ever met, taking him to a suprisingly entertaining children's museum, reading for Existentialism on top of a wooden red fire truck so that he can play while someone and I study, wearing one of my little black dresses that doesn't get out much, having dinner out with someone, drinking cappucino and reading the paper over someone's shoulder, putting off actual paper writing in order to share these recent happy memories with my dear blog-readers.

I love my life so much I have to list it all, which is probably not very interesting, so here's an embarrasing grocery-store moment to make you groan with sympathy for me. I was at HEB, looking for those little tiny cartons of ice cream that come with their own spoon/shovel-like utensils, and out of the corner of my eye I saw two people whom I thought were college-age guys. I'm not conceited but it didn't seem totally unnatural when one talked to me and said "see anything you like?" Guys that age are just friendly, so I said, "oh, no, I can't find the little cute ice creams." And we talked about the relative merits of the pint-sized cartons, which are much bigger than I wanted. At this point I looked up and noticed that one of the "guys" was actually a middle-aged man - the one that was talking, and presumably he was the other one's father, since it's parents' weekend. I walked away thinking it was odd, and several minutes later I realized the guy probably wasn't even talking to me to begin with, but he was probably talking to his son. It's weird how awkward I felt! I just had a conversation with someone who probably thought I was the most self-absorbed person ever. This is what happens when you speak very audibly in the presence of someone absorbed in that most perplexing task of choosing ice cream.

*This was a joke and I have nothing against French people. I have a great-something-grandmother who was from Alsace-Lorraine, held alternately by Germany and France, so there is a very good possibility that I am French myself.

Christmas in September

2008-09-12T13:19:00.000-07:00

I'm going to a tea party today. It' s a "High Tea" for the Honors' Residential College. At least we don't have to wear our hideous polo shirts; we just have to dress up and shake rich people's hands so that they will know that the students for whom they donate money have learned to dress themselves. I wonder what they donate money for? More tea parties? I shouldn't be so cynical, I know, but all these new events and such that have been added to the living-in-the-dorm experience make me want to re-think what's important to me. I imagine that there is some point to all of this but I certainly don't see it.

I love social things. At least I think I love social things. I am not, in any sense, an extrovert, but I do love people, and I seem to feel the need for "alone" time decreasingly often. (How do you say "decreasingly often" gracefully? "less and less frequently?" "more and more seldom?") I just hate standing around and making small talk. It seems so pointless.

I categorically hate politics. I hate the process you have to go through in order to get into grad school, of having "connections," meeting people just so that they will remember you, whetehr or not you demonstrated anything worth knowing about yourself in that 30 second window of time, asking questions you aren't really curious about in order to appear interested in studying with someone. As if that weren't obvious, if you are applying for the program. It all seems so little based on actual merit. And the same seems true (maybe more true) of the election. It's depressing.

Like secular existentialism. Sartre wrote an essay in which he tried to portray existentialism as a humanism. Who is he kidding? At least Camus is honest about how much the world sucks if he is right. Someone in my Latin class, who is generally a very earnest intellectual about everything, said that she simply hates modernity. I think that's a funny thing to say, but I have to admit that I'm not as patient with it as some people are, and I think the deficiency is mine. I'm glad I'm a Classics major.

I won't tell you what my Christmas present to myself is, since it ought to be kept secret from someone until Christmas, but I bet you can guess what color it is. ;-)

Don't look at me that way - it was an honest mistake.

2008-08-11T12:47:00.000-07:00

It doesn't feel like taking God's name in vain when I say "oh, Dio mio!" partly because it's Italian, and partly I don't think I'm doing it in vain. Addressing God with an exclamation seems like a natural response to what's happening in my life right now.

Summer has been wonderful. I've been working at Texas Roadhouse, which sucks but everything else has been kind of perfect. Except for predictable dissapointments, like the fact that I didn't get as much done as I wanted to on Greek composition and research for my thesis. (But I still have about a week and a half left, right?) I've also been tutoring Latin, making new friends and generally having the time of my life, as is becoming a habit, it seems.

It's just so odd. To be a senior in college, talking about grad school options as if I had a clue what I'm doing or as if I actually believe I'm ready to be that grown-up - to move out of state permanently, to pay my own phone bill, to be completely independent financially, to have a degree, to survive grad school and "pick up" somewhere or other a couple of the modern languages requisite for good scholarship in Classics, eventually to become a "doctor." I took the GRE and while I'm a little bit dissapointed with my Verbal score, overall it didn't completely suck and I may have a chance at getting what I want - which is to study and travel all my life as I have been these past few years and maybe, you know, to have babies (not children and definitely not teenagers, but maybe a couple of babies).

But holy crap. When did the joy of independence in a part-time job and a driver's permit get replaced with this? With writing samples and statements of purpose - as if I had a statement to make about purpose (I'm not Rick Warren, thank you) - and real decisions about where I want to live. It sounds like the college application process all over again, but it's so much more stressful this time. There are a few (okay, mainly just one) other considerations this time that make the whole thing very surreal.

Sometimes I just want to escape. I think that's why I always talk about spontaneity. And on that note, tomorrow I am very un-spontaneously planning to carry out my DLS. :-)

Gag me with a teaspoon

2008-06-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that Java City has the most horrible coffee in the world? Every time I go there, when I'm here at the library, I end up wondering why in the world I spent $3.66 on this crap, which it should be illegal to give away. If I wanted a lukewarm syrupy mess, I would go suck a maple tree on a nice day.

Sexy's Back!!!

2008-05-26T16:47:00.002-07:00

So I'm back in the land of the un-magical light. Texas is a pretty awesome place, anyway, though, because there are some pretty awesome people here.

I got back at about 2 in the morning Mother's Day, and in spite of this, I spent all day with my family, cooking Italian food for my mom and playing with my little brother. :-) No jet-lag for me. Monday I started work at MM's and worked there through Friday night. Saturday I came to Waco, which is where I am now, yay!

Summer I'm going to be working at Texas Roadhouse and possibly Dillard's, taking two history classes online through the local community college, studying Greek composition, translating the rest of Catullus' poetry and working towards my thesis, and getting ready for the GRE. So I don't have to answer that question again. Don't even ask where I'm going to apply for grad school. I don't plan on having an answer till next fall.

More later.

Oops.

2008-05-04T02:24:00.000-07:00

Sorry. I guess I never did finish the spring break story. Well, it was one of the best weeks of my life so far. Let's just put it that way. I love Amsterdam. And Paris. For my birthday weekend I went to Rome, and I REALLY LOVE Rome. Europe in general is beautiful and exciting. Sicily in particular is kind of exotic and gorgeous. And I miss Henry.
Finals are pretty much here, and I have all five in three days, and each is three hours long, and I have effectively wasted this weekend. Or is it wasted? I'm about to leave all of my friends here, so it seems pretty important to spend time with them. I can't believe it's over. When you start something that's going to last 4 months it seems like a lifetime, but when it's over it seems very short.
What have I been doing....(besides school, ya'll don't really want to hear about that)...there was a EuroChocolate festival in Modica last weekend. Don't worry, I bought souvenirs. :-) Modica is an adorable little town in Sicily where they make this chocolate that doesn't melt. Chocolate seems like it's pretty much a way of life for people in Modica, like ricotta cheese is a way of life in Sicily. They even put chocolate in things like pasta dishes and couscous, and they have flavors like "peperoncino," which is red pepper - it's actually really good, I think.
Agrigento was one of my favorite excursions. The second best preserved temple in the Mediterranean is there, called the "Temple of Concord" because no one has any idea to what divinity it was dedicated. The best preserved temple, in case you're wondering as we all were, is the temple to Hephaestus, I believe, in Athens. Or was it Hercules? I'm pretty sure it started with an H.
On my birthday (and on the night before my birthday) I got all sorts of wonderful suprises, which confirms my suspicion that I have the most amazing friends in the world - that includes the ones at home, of course! Brie made dinner, Stefania and Julia made a cake, Maia gave me presents, there was a crapload of balloons and a note on the board when I went into my Latin class that day, and after the puppet show, when we were having tiramisu (which I made myself, and the preparation included beating egg whites stiff - with no electric mixer and no whisk!!) I received a very obscene card, the contents of which should not be discussed online. I love birthday attention. I think it's the only kind I like, actually.
So tomorrow is Julia's birthday and I am going to try Chicken Marsala as a suprise tonight - did you know that Marsala wine is made in Sicily? Probably you did know, but I didn't. I love Sicily.
But I love America, too, and in some ways I think I love it more after being away from it for a while. People are constantly makind unfavorable comparisons between the two countries, but I don't think Italy wins every contest. America does pies waaaay better than Italy, I have to say. Italian pies are almost all crust (and not a good crust, either) with just a thin layer of jam. That would never fly in America. We have real fillings. And Italians don't seem to have a lot of their own music - they listen to a lot of American music (and sing along even though they don't know what they're singing - it's funny to listen to) or sometimes Spanish or Mexican music, (I think, because it's in Spanish) for Salsa dancing. And we have to whole public restrooms thing going for us. Apparently a lot of Italians feel sorry for Americans because they assume that the food is all terrible in America. But really we have some pretty decent American food, and then we have all sorts of other kinds - Chinese, Japanese, Thai, Indian, Mexican, Italian...who says we are so closed-minded? And I'm starting to like American accents. I really really love Italy, but I refuse to constantly criticize the US just because it's different. Maybe we aren't quite as "cultured," whatever the heck that means, but give us a few more centuries, for crying out loud - we're just a baby country compared to Italy.
I think I'm starting to fit in with the Italians in at least one respect: I talk about food all the time! :-)

2008-03-21T03:19:00.000-07:00

Put your reading glasses on, get comortable, and be sure to hydrate - this is going to be a long one.
Spring Break took forever to get here and is going by incredibly fast, as usual. My last class was Philosophy and we got out two minutes late, but who was counting? That was last Thursday. We had a big "empty the fridge of all the stuff that will go bad while we're away" dinner and then after a while we went to "Amo" for salsa dancing. Staying out late the night before you fly to Paris is maybe not the best idea, but it seemed like the thing to do at the time.
Friday morning I had to shop around Ortigia a little because the funny thing about backpacking around Europe is, you need a backpack for it. I left mine at home because I prefer my Vera Bradley tote for school. We took the bus to Catania early in the afternoon even though our flight wasn't supposed to leave until 5:25 PM so that we could sit around in the airport and people-watch. At about a quarter to five we found our gate and waited. The flight was delayed. Eventually it said that it was delayed two hours. Um, that's a problem. That would mean we would miss our connecting flight from Milan to Paris. And the hostel we had booked in Paris might cancel our reservation if we didn't make it there by midnight. So with our best "Don't Mess With Texas" attitudes Brie and I went to talk to someone. They kept saying that they had called our names to change our flights, we must have left the airport, they couldn't help us, it was impossible. Finally they found a way to get us to Milan that night and a flight to Paris the next morning. The airline would pay for a hotel for us in Milan, they said.
So we flew to Milan. We got there at about 11, and check-in time for our flight to Paris was 7 the next morning, so unfortunately there was no time to see Milan. Plus the airport is about a 45 minute train ride away from the city, apparently? It took about an hour for the people in the Milan airport to figure out what had happened in the Catania airport and to give us plane tickets and a hotel voucher. A bus took us and a about 20 other people who I imagine were having similar problems to the hotel. It was nearly an hour away, in what seemed like the middle of nowhere, but we didn't care. It was a "4 star" hotel where we could finally sleep. We still had to pay for the hostel that we didn't make it to, but we figured we were getting a hotel for the price of a hostel.
The next day we arrived in Paris around noon, I think. The airport was very confusing; none of us spoke French and the dictionary I bought had limited phrases and not much of a pronunciation guide, but the people were super nice and most of them spoke English. We finally go the right metro tickets and found our way to the stop where we needed to get off for our hostel. The stop was called "St. Michele / Notre Dame" and as soon as we climbed the steps out of the station, the first thing we saw, our first view of Paris, was Notre Dame. That was a pretty amazing moment. Of course I got a little squeally and jumpy and we took a lot of pictures, and then we went inside, where you aren't supposed to take pictures. It was beautiful. After a while we started to wander around in search of lunch, and our first Paris meal was salty crepes from a street vender, filled with all sorts of cheeses. We sat on the steps of the "Pantheon." After some walking around we got to our hostel and I think I slept for about 14 hours - I was so tired from midterms, dancing, traveling...the next day we saw the outside of the Louvre, which is quite remarkable even if you don't go inside, and we walked down a beautiful street with parks and trees and statues and fountains - I'm not describing it well at all and even my pictures aren't going to express what it's actually like - and then we saw the Arch di Triomphe (I hope I spelled that right). I had a quiche and croissant for lunch but I don't remember what everyone else had. The Eiffel tower was next. The lines were long, it was cold and rainy, my umbrella broke, and the battery in my camera died that night but it was still one of the most exciting weeks of my life ever.
I love Paris. I saw a lot of it from the top of the Eiffel tower, and I want to go back. We waited around so that we could see the Eiffel tower at night. In front of it there is this glass thing that has "peace" written in lots of different languages. I got a picture of the English word with the tower in the background. I think I also managed to find "paz"(Spanish), "pace"(Italian"), "paix" (French?), and something like "eirene" but in Greek letters, so I'm assuming it was modern Greek. That night we stayed in a particularly sketchy hostel. I don't want to freak anyone out, but there was a small blood stain. We were safe, though, of course, and the next day after breakfast and some walking around we went inside the Louvre. The Louvre is shaped sort of like an A that isn't pointy, and in front there is the big glass pyramid that everyone seems to recognize from The Da Vinci Code. That is the entrance. You go down into the basement, basically, to buy tickets and leave your backpack, and then you go into the Louvre. It was overwhelming. There are all sorts of floors and courtyards. It's just huge. You could spend a week in there. All the captions for the paintings and statues are in French, but I could recognize some of the Classical and neo-Classical works and when I looked at the captions I could tell if I had been right in guessing the names of the mythological figures. Practically the first thing I saw was the Venus di Milo. I got dizzy in some places. The cielings were so ornate I could stare at them for a long time. I have to go now...but I'll finish the Spring break story later....

Mi piace ballare!

2008-02-28T04:52:00.001-08:00

I didn't realize that it's been so long since I last updated.

I got my first Italian haircut, which turned out to be a party with a razor. We managed to tell the hairstylist that I wanted just an inch or two off, with layers, and the side bangs trimmed. Then he attacked my head. I really hated it at first but now I'm getting used to it. Brie got her hair cut, too, a lot shorter than she wanted, so we were sad all day, but don't think in terms of Audrey Hepburn ala "Roman Holiday" - it wasn't that bad. There are pictures on Facebook, of course.

We went to Mount Etna last weekend, and it was beautiful, and there are pictures on Facebook. I ate horse meat (!) and it was actually really good, as long as I didn't think about horses...especially any from Black Beauty...especially the one that died. Then we went ice-skating. Sicily is not "the island of eternal sunshine" as someone apparently once said. I love winter.

Tuesday night I hardly slept at all so that I could finish a translation paper for Greek, and I skipped what I'm hoping was not a mandatory trip to the market in Syracuse for all the Italian classes, and I got to Greek class (I am the Greek class, really, it's private instruction) and it turns out it wasn't due yet. My Greek homework takes about five or six hours, anyway, and I had this extra assignment on top of it.

Wednesday was my first night of Salsa lessons. It was really intimidating when all the Italians started walking in, but it was so much fun, and we learned Salsa, Meringue, something that starts with a B, and a little bit of Tango. The lessons are twice a week, and we've already paid for the month of March, although now we realized that the taxi to get there is 6 euro each time, so we're going to figure out how to take a bus, instead.

Today two of my classes (Plato and Art History) were cancelled, so I went to the market this morning and bought all sorts of fresh fruits and vegetables, as well as a Basil plant. It's a little bit intimidating to go to the open market by myself, but it's good for me to practice what little Italian I know. Tonight I'm going to make dinner, and it's finally warm enough to eat out on the terrace! I love cooking here. Instead of looking up a recipe, trying to find all the ingredients, and then following the directions, like I do at home, here I just buy really fresh amazing ingredients and then try to think of ways to combine them. Everything seems to go together because it's all so Italian. There is a middle eastern place here on the island, though, and a Chinese place. I'm glad because I'm actually getting a little tired of pizza and pasta. I don't really crave American food, just something not Italian.

The only material thing I really miss right now is the Baylor library. I miss having a good quiet place to study. I'm finding that I actually don't mind living without a clothes dryer or a car. I don't even really miss the internet. Well, maybe sometimes.

Well, that's pretty much my life right now. Spring break is going to be amazing, and I'll write about it soon.

Wet cobblestone and pointy-toed stilettos

2008-02-10T08:34:00.000-08:00

I'm back now from Palermo, the city on the other side of Sicily where we went yesterday and stayed last night. I'm going to try to stick to the interesting things in this blog and not explain boring details...

The mall in Syracuse is awesome. I've never shopped so intensely in my life, and I love the way Europeans dress. They are always bundled up this time of year, even on the days when it isn't that cold. The little old men walk around arm in arm and do the double-air-kiss goodbye. The women do that, too, and little kids...

I spent the night at my first hostel and it wasn't bad at all; actually it was really nice; the lady said it was sort of a hostel, sort of a "guest-house." For 19 euro, it was pretty awesome. The heat actually worked there, and it was more than just a space heater, unlike my apartment, and there was a tv that got lots of channels in German. We watched "Ella Enchanted."

I have some homework to do for Greek, Latin, and Philosophy. I'm still working on my readings list, by which I mean I'm still working on compiling the list; I haven't even started reading for it. I hate doing this while I'm abroad. But my other two classes aren't going to be too bad, I don't think. Italian is really fun. There will be exams, a paper, and a presentation in Art History but until then all I have to do is go on the field trips and take notes in class.

The food is really good here but two of my roommates and I have decided to start imposing certain restrictions on ourselves, because there's just a little too much gelato, tiramisu, cannoli, marzipan, and various other pastries and chocolate things that are everywhere. Espresso has no calories if you drink it black like I do, though, so it's my consolation. The custom here is to drink things with milk in them like cappuccinos or macchiatos only in the morning...

I have lots of pictures still to upload onto facebook, maybe I'll try to put some on here, too. I officially love traveling, and I can't wait to start planning my spring break. I'm hoping to find some really cheap flights to some exciting places, although either way I know I need to stop shopping and save for that. I also want to take at least one weekend trip somewhere. I'll tell you the specific destinations once I find out what they are!

I miss everybody a lot. I know I've only been here for 2 1/2 weeks, but it seems longer because it is farther and because I know that it will be for so long. I'm really happy here, though. It's strange because I'm having the time of my life and I'm looking forward to it being over. Having the time of your life can be exhausting, and there are really weird feelings that come when you suddenly leave all of your family and friends and everyone you know, and then make new friends really quickly, and feel close to them and far away from everybody you're used to being close to. It's just weird. I wish I could be with everyone at once. Sometimes I feel like I don't have the time to maintain all my relationships the way that I would like to.

I don't know where to begin...

2008-01-30T08:54:00.000-08:00

The showers are hot now.

I have more pictures coming soon.

My classes are awesome. I'm still figuring out the one that is at Baylor, but I think everything just might turn out okay. I have two field trips this weekend, one on Friday and one on Saturday. Saturday we're going to Catania to have a tour of the historical parts, so I'm excited. My roommates are talking about staying the night in a hostel and not coming back with the rest of the group, which the school actually encourages, so that we can spend more time in that city.

Right now I'm in the computer lab. My Latin prof couldn't make it to our regularly scheduled class time so she wanted to have it later...it was supposed to be now, but I guess she forgot. I have some reading for Philosophy I could do in the library, anyway. Tonight at 8 we have another free meal - there's a fish dinner at some hotel, and apparently they're going to teach us something about fish, or how to cook it, or food, or something. I'm excited. And hungry. Tomorrow night is another one of those talks where they tell us how to be safe. This one's just for the women, and I'm pretty sure I know exactly what they're going to say, but it's mandatory. It's amazing the lengths people will go to in order to correct others' stupidity when in reality, I think we all know how to behave at this point. It's only a matter of if we care to or not.

I'm working on my list of things to do before I turn 21, and by working on it, I mean I'm actually accomplishing the things, not just making the list. :-)

I've been smiling all day. I finally was able to buy francobolli, stamps, so I can send mail now.

I'm here!!!!

2008-01-23T09:34:00.000-08:00

And I'm soooooooooo tired. It's almost 7 PM here, so its noon there. No sleep for I don't know how long....been here for a few hours...my apartment is AMAZINGLY beautiful....Still have to go through orientation....no internet in the apt, so I'm here in the tiny computer lab at MCAS, I wish I spoke the language, gas not working yet in the apt, cold shower, gorgeous boutiques, soo tired, can't talk anymore....why is no one on skype?

Just remember, darling, all the while...

2008-01-19T22:37:00.001-08:00

Is it just me or is no one posting blogs anymore except faithful Amanda? This won't do - I demand more reading material.

So it's about 58 hours until I take off and watch one of my dreams come true. :-) I love saying that, even if it's cheesy. I've wanted to go to Europe for a long time, and I've wanted to study abroad since I got to college; now it's finally happening. I've been anxious about it for so long that right now I'm just excited. I'm actually pretty happy right now. I have one more day of work, then I get to see Amanda, and then the adventure starts. I'm *almost* done packing - I think I need to go through and kick some things out of my suitcases. And add some other things. My dad bought me some more memory for my camera today, so I'm going to take a crap load of pictures.

I'm going to miss everyone like crazy. I promise to stay safe like everyone keeps telling me, and not to do anything too stupid....

which reminds me, I never did finish that list, but 21 things is a little bit ambitious, so how about 7?

1. See a freaking opera already! Another one of those things, like going to Europe, that I've always wanted to do.

2. Write 21 letters, cards, or post cards. (I like this one because I've already done 11).

3. Write 21 blog posts.

4. Taste 21 different types of wine. (Thank goodness I'm going to Sicily so this will be legal. I've already tasted merlot, chardonnay, white zinfandel, pinot grigio, and champagne, which I think should count, since it's just carbonated wine, right?).

5. Memorize a whole book of the Bible. (I'm thinking 3rd John).

6. Read 7 books by different authors that I've never read before.

7. My DLS. Which, as I said before, I promise is not anything bad.

If I didn't know any better...well, never mind

2007-12-27T23:04:00.000-08:00

Someone is going to be 21 in less than 4 months. And I totally stole this idea from someone at work, but I've decided to compose a list of 21 things to do before I turn 21. But I suck at making lists, and ya'll don't - especially Amanda, so I need help! I'm trying to think of things that are fun and silly and kind of young and childish, maybe a little crazy or even subversive (I know that's a difficult ideal). Keep in mind I will be in Sicily from January 23rd till April 16th (which is my birthday) so I'm thinking maybe in terms of stamps on my passport, etc. Things having to do with the number 21 would be really cool, too. I already know the very last item on my list, which I'm only going to do if I get all the others done, but I can't tell you, because it's my excuse for a dirty little secret. It's really not dirty, I promise. Hmmm...what about read for 21 hours straight? Do you think I could do that? I've never been to an opera, so that's definitely going on the list, somewhere. Write me your suggestions quick because I need to get started. Also, does anyone want to join me in these?

Tie your hair in ribbons and lace and wear pearls round your neck, and all the pretty princes will see you...

2007-12-08T17:47:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking.

This isn't going to be like what happens when Amanda has thoughts, all deep and interesting, so don't get too excited.

I've been thinking about shoes. And handbags. First of all, Puma shoes are just fugly. I don't care how expensive they are. So this is a question for all of you who are studying abroad, or have, or have traveled in Europe.

What kind of purse did you wear? Because all the study abroad people say to only wear a purse with a long strap across your chest and to keep it in front of you. I can't imagine stylish Italian women actually dressing like that. And I'm not entirely sure I want to be without my adorable little Coach handbag for a whole semester. What do you think? Will it scream "I'm an American - try to rob me!" or will it be my safest bet for not looking like a slob?

It didn't seem wrong to sing the sad song...

2007-12-07T18:10:00.000-08:00

So finals are over except for Greek on Monday afternoon, which won't take too many hours to study for. I don't feel so amazing about any of them, and I usually feel good about most of my finals. And there seems to be some problem with that art/archeology class transferring. Looks like online summer classes for me.

These past two days have been a blur. Actually, so has this week, and I'm not completely sure that I don't feel cheated out of a semester.

All I want to do right now is something fun, that has nothing to do with studying. I want to go crazy, and paint a town a color, and have one of those moments when you forget yourself because you're so happy and...I really want to stop using all of these crappy cliches. Anyone up for it?

Sigh not so, ladies sigh not so...

2007-11-13T23:33:00.000-08:00

So I had a panic moment today. They cancelled ALL the Latin and Greek classes at the Mediterranean Center for the Arts and Sciences, because there weren't at least 3 students in any of them. They also cancelled my Roman Archeology and Art class that I was so excited about. But they said that for the Latin and Greek classes, I could arrange for individual instruction from a Ph. D. professor for an extra $1200 for each class. Obviously, if I had $2400, I probably would have already spent it on shoes. So I didn't know what to do, but after a few calls and emails, I was told that I didn't have to pay the extra fee. Something about Baylor being an affiliate university, and scholarship waiver, or something. The point is that I get individual instruction. For free. Also, I replaced the Roman Archeology and Art class with History of Archeology and Art in Sicily, which oddly enough is going to count as a history credit. The other one was only going to be an elective, which I certainly didn't need - I have so many already. So now I think I will be able to get away with taking 16 and 18 hours my last two semesters, and stay in the Honor's program, and get the Philosophy minor.

What started out to be a nightmare ended up the solution to some of my problems.

Also, I downloaded songs from the movies made of Emma, Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, and Much Ado About Nothing, and I discovered Superpoke on Facebook, which is so addicting it's scary. It's been a good day.

It starts in my toes makes me wrinkle my nose....

2007-11-09T20:07:00.000-08:00

Forget that I ever considered dropping Honor's. Chalk it up to a passing weakness and an interest in Philosophy that I don't think will be quite so passing. I think I may still try to get the Philosophy minor. I can take 19 hours while writing a thesis. Can't I?

So thanks for all the support and advice about that. No one mentioned on the blog, at least, an answer regarding the hair question, so I did what my heart (and Lulu, H, and Erica) told me and I died it "warm auburn." It's still a really dark auburn but in the sun it looks bright red. I like it a lot, most of the time.

I'm so excited about studying abroad. :-)

Serious Questions and Crazy Dreams

2007-11-02T15:54:00.000-07:00

First of all, should I change my hair color more? Should I go redder, or lighter, or back to the natural color?

Now that we got the important one out of the way...which is more important, the Honor's Program or a minor in Philosophy? I can't do both unless I take 18 hours and 19 hours the two semesters of my senior year. I can study Classics and write a thesis about Classics in Grad school, but will I get a chance to take Philosophy classes when I go to Grad school for Classics? No.

These are the things I'm taking in Sicily:

1. Advanced Readings in Latin: Tacitus

2. Advanced Readings in Greek: Thucydides

3. Roman Archeology and Art (field trip class - whoo!)

4. Plato (enough said)

5. Beginning Italian.

Yes, that's right. I have been given permission to commit suicide and take Advanced courses in Latin and Greek when I should be going into 2nd semester of Intermediate. Unfortunately the Mediterranean Center for the Arts and Sciences just isn't offering those this Spring. If I choose to remain in the Honor's Program, I will be taking Independent Readings as well, but if I dropped Honor's now, I could take 6 hours of Italian instead of 3.

Decisions, decisions...I've actually started thinking about where I want to go for Grad school and I'm thinking it may be somewhere hard to get into....

Heaven...I'm in heaven...and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak....

2007-10-27T21:44:00.000-07:00

If you can't tell, I'm listening to Fred Astaire right now. This has to be a quick blog because I promised myself I would go to bed at midnight. It's sad, but these days if I even get to bed by 1 on a weeknight, I think I'm going to bed early.

Oh, dear. I had something to blog about and now I've completely forgotten it. Is this what old age is like? I think it's just the Fred Astaire music that is jumbling my thoughts.

Well, that's too bad, because I'm pretty sure that it was scintillating. It probably would have left your mind in a state of awe and wonder for days. As it is, let me make you feel intelligent by relating something I actually heard a college student say: "I didn't even went to English today." No kidding.

My life is spent too much at the library and the monotony of it all may affect my hair color if something doesn't happen. Fortunately, my favorite English BA is coming to Waco next weekend! Hurray! And, after about Wednesday I should be done with all major exams and papers, at least for a little bit, so except for the usual Philosophy response paper and a few hours' worth of Latin and Greek, I should have a fairly free weekend, which means, Swing dancing and Wild West on Thursday, H's party on Friday, (after Crane Scholar's) homecoming stuff on Saturday (including the game! I'm actually starting to enjoy football), making food for Amanda and having good talks again, and who knows? I may get crazy and actually go to church on Sunday! I'm so looking forward to having a life again - if only for a few days.

Oh, by the way, I did not get the scholarship I applied for - somebody doesn't love me - but I did find out that last spring I got high honors on my national Greek exam - 2nd highest score at Baylor! and I am now in Eta Sigma Phi, the Classics Honor's Society.

Valete et kai chairete! (Excuse the sloppy transliteration)

P.S. Amanda, what do you want to eat while you're here?

When I grow too old to dream, I'll have you to remember....

2007-10-12T20:28:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you love someone and then they change without warning you. You fall in love with someone and you think that you will love them forever, unconditionally. But when you think that you never dream that they will actually change.

People ought to change. Growing mature and independent is a good thing and when you love someone, you think that's what you want to happen to them. Then it does.

I loved someone very much once and recently I saw him again. He's wonderful now. He's grown into an amazing person and I still love him. But he's not at all who he used to be, and when I remember the person I used to love and the person I love now, it's hard for me to realize that they are the same person, only at different points in time. I feel as though I love two people: who he was and who he is.

Henry grew up really fast in the two months since I last saw him, and it's shocking me. Ha ha! Gotcha, didn't I?

Out of an Orange-Colored Sky

2007-10-08T15:46:00.000-07:00

I wish I had more originality and did not have to depend on lines from songs to use as titles, but that's all I've got, so that's all you get.

I'm up to my arched eyebrows in paperwork for studying abroad next semester and very afraid that I won't make all my deadlines. :-( I'm waiting for letters of recommendation, transcripts and tomorrow I managed to get two advising appointments. A lot of the people who read this know exactly what I'm going through. Send me happy thoughts.

The game on Saturday was absolutely depressing, but it was funny to watch football with Lulu. While the rest of us are just screaming triumphantly or groaning indignantly, Lulu lost her voice during the 1st quarter shouting very specific instructions at the players as to how they should be playing the game. It was really amusing. She thinks we should all try to join the team next year, as we may be an improvement on the current players. I'm thinking of trying for quarterback since I won all the arm-wrestling matches. What do you think?

I miss a lot of people. But I get to go home Thursday for fall break, so at least I'll get to see my parents and Henry and Duke and Matthew. Whenever we say his name, he thinks we're saying "Matt-you" so he always responds "Matt-me!" He's so instinctively grammatical, he's definitely going to be a Classics major when he grows up. He likes to talk on the phone with me, and last time he told me that he had drawn a picture of a duck in his room, and another duck, and another duck. Yellow is his favorite color. The time before that he said that the "neow," which is his word for Henry, had scratched him.

I like cute people.

Fly me to the moon....

2007-09-20T21:08:00.001-07:00

This week is a week of music, it seems. Tuesday night we went to Jones Hall to listen to a symphony, and last night there was live jazz at Common Grounds. I ordered something called a "Meltdown," which had four shot of espresso in it, and I may never be the same again. At any rate my sleep cycles never will be.

When you are severely sleep-deprived, it is really inappropriate to have an almost-irrestible urge to giggle in Greek class when the rest of the class is translating the Gethsemane scene in Luke. Yesterday afternoon I took a nap after class, and when I woke up, I spent a solid two minutes trying to figure out what class I was late for, or had slept through, what homework I had forgotten, and what day it was.

Blockbuster actually got a collection agency to mail me something telling me to pay them their freakin' sixteen dollars.

I want to go to Sicily.

Fly me to the moon....

2007-09-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

2007-09-11T15:35:00.000-07:00

Things that make me happy:

Yesterday I saw a guy with a really goofy smile on his face walking around with a sign that said, "Free hug day - get your free hugs here."

My religion professor had a funny/awkward moment in class Monday when he was trying to draw a certain answer out of us, and one of the girls was really close, and he said, "you're hot, you're extremely hot --- which is not to say anything other than, you're really close to the right answer."

Sunday night I was laughing so hard at something a friend said that I almost choked on mashed potatoes. Who chokes on mashed potatoes?

It's very breezy today, and not too warm - the way a September day should be.

Crane Scholars is starting up again this Friday and we're reading Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton, which I already know that I love because I've read it.

2007-09-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

I should be doing homework, but I thought I'd rather talk about homework than do it. I have 3 papers due next week.
I have decided that smart people are the most difficult people to get along with (smart people who are around the same age). Sometimes I look at my professors and think, when you were an undergrad, do you go around hurting your fellow students' feelings all the time, and did they think you were an a$$? Do some of your colleagues still privately find you annoying, only now they're too polite and grown-up to let it show? I know that the world is full of competition in all classes of people, "mimetic rivalry" as Somebody Girard says in the book I'm reading for Colloquium, but it seems to be that scholarly people in their late teens and early twenties are the most unapologetic about it. I've heard some of the most inexcusable comments from people whose mental capacities I truly respect. But if they are so earnest about their pursuit of beauty, truth, and goodness, why the hell have they not even mastered the basics of civility? Why is their instinct so perceptive when they analyze the motivations of characters in epics and dialogues and such, yet they can't seem to realize that when they say derogatory things about their classmates, said classmates are going to be offended? Why are they so logical when discussing abstract things, but so illogical when comparing their abilities with those of their peers? (Okay, the answer to that question in obvious). Education is supposed to refine your character, isn't it? Not just make you a more pedantic sort of jerk?
People of average intelligence just do not seem to have the same hang-ups as smart people. They aren't so fiercely competitive over their reputations as "intellectuals."
It wouldn't bother me if I knew of one of two people who were like this, but I'm finding this sort of behavior from too many people. It's enough to make me want to be a waitress all of my life. At least wait staff are rarely so pretentious.

I have a blog again!

2007-09-01T10:37:00.000-07:00

I've missed blogging a lot. The only reason I stopped was that I left Myspace, and the reason I left Myspace really had nothing to do with blogging. I've been reading Sara's and Amanda's blogs, and it's so interesting how much of their personalities show through what they write. I think I could tell who they were just by reading a sentence. I love it.