Reflections on marriage from the new Mrs. Cole

I'm married! And, after nearly a week, starting to feel like it.

The wedding was crazy stressful up till about 2 hours beforehand, and then it was like a very fast-moving dream. My bridesmaids and other friends are absolutely the most wonderful people in the world, and proved it once again by the amazing job they did taking care of me that day and making everything beautiful with their lovely selves, voices, and thoughtfulness. I'd be the luckiest girl in the world even if I didn't have Sam, because of them! Although the wedding would have been awkward. :-) Either my friends, family, or Sam alone would be enough to make me the luckiest girl, but the combination of all three makes me triply ridiculously blessed. Sarah, Sara, Sarah, Amanda, Lulu, Brie, Julia, Lillian, Stephanie, Hannah, Erica, Jessi - ya'll are amazing and I hope I can be there for you, too, someday, wedding or otherwise.

We are still on our honeymoon in Portland, Oregon. Sam says that it is the most depressed city in the US, according to some statistics or other. I think I'm starting to see why. It's very post-modern. Within walking distance of our hotel there are restaurants of every ethnicity you could think of (including Irish, German, Lebonese and Bosnian). Almost everybody dresses in that weird, hippy/goth kind of way, as if they were trying to be individualistic, but they all look so much the same that they cease to be interesting. Sam's favorite quote is true - "chaos is dull." There's something very unconnected about everything. The Japanese and Chinese gardens here are supposed to be the most authentic in North America. It's as if the people in Portland have sort of re-created "authentic" cultural experiences from all around the world, but don't realize they lost something in the translation. This is really hard to say. It's a beautiful city but I can sort of sense the ennui. Maybe what they lost was a sense of connectedness to the art (including culinary) that makes the culture meaningful. I think that's what's depressing about post-modernism. Things don't seem to mean anything anymore.

On another note, our hotel is fabulous! It's very old-fashioned with bell boys and each person at the desk is also a concierge, and there is a beautiful restaurant and bar in the lobby. It's themed on Old Hollywood, which we were afraid might be cheesy, but they did it very well. And we both love old movies! The other night we watched Casa Blanca, which is very romantic and meaningful for us, because it was right after watching it for the first time that I first told Sam that I loved him, too. That was about a year ago now.

I have so many other stories...honeymoons are awesome. We've decided we'd like to honeymoon for a living, and write a book called "How to Honeymoon Like a Pro" (the irony is, of course, that no one is actually a professional at honeymooning). :-)

The subway is interesting. People seem to forget that they are in public and have the most awkward conversations. They fight and cry and complain about their 6 kids and invite you out to the Irish Pub practically in one breath.

More on honeymoon later. I never finished that scrapbook so I've decided to start writing my love story here, in small pieces. Those who are squeamish about sap are advised to read with caution.

Sam and I met in the beloved "Lounge of Destiny," the nickname for the Classics Department Lounge. But before we met we had a Religion class together. There were about 40 students and we sat on opposite sides of the room. But some enchanted evening - I mean Monday morning at about 11:00, when our class started, Sam and I noticed each other, across a classroom crowded with bored students. For me it was a quickly-developed crush, although we hadn't met. I thought he was very cute and noticed that when he asked or answered questions in class they were thoughtful and well-phrased. Plus he knew Latin and had a proper respect for the philosophers I liked. Sam told me later that he thought I was the prettiest girl in the class and that when he saw me, he actually started wondering if love at first sight were possible. He thought about going home and saying to his roommate, "I saw this girl in Religion and I'm going to marry her." This is the kind of thing someone in a movie might have actually said. But Sam is far too rational, and told himself that he was being irrational, and that it wasn't good to like someone based only on physical appearance.

:-)

I think that's funny.

Story Time

Last week I had my first wedding nightmare.

We were getting ready to start the processional for the ceremony, at a church I didn't recognize. It was one of those huge circular or semi-circular churches with about a million different aisles, and we weren't sure which one we were supposed to enter. We weren't sure which bridesmaid was supposed to go first, either, or when she was supposed to go. Stephanie and Lillian kept poking their heads out to see and looked ridiculous until finally they all went. Then I told Matthew to go, and he promptly took off in the direction of the choir pit, not to be seen again.

Then it was my turn, I assumed, but then I realized that my dad wasn't there. It took me a while to find him and then he looked at me and was like, "why are you in those clothes? why aren't you wearing your dress? Go put your dress on!" And I looked down and thought, now this is interesting, why am I not in my dres? So I put it on and then realized that it was not my dress. It was a very cute Jane Austin style dress with an empire waist and long sleeves, and the bodice was a yellowy cream color and the rest was white. But it certainly wasn't my wedding dress and I came out and I was like, "Dad, I don't think this is my dress." And he got really impatient like I was being ridiculously picky and was like, "Ashley, just wear that dress and stop worrying. We have to go!" So we went down the long, long aisle.

When we got to the altar there was another couple in the middle of their ceremony! I was really embarassed and started ackwardly backing up, and I turned to my dad and said, "why did we come so early? It isn't even our turn yet!" Then I looked at the bridesmaids.

There were six girls in dresses of the correct cornflower hue, and three or four other girls, whom I didn't recognize, in their own dresses of various patterns, standing with the bridesmaids and talking to them. But I didn't recognize two or three of the bridesmaids, either, so I asked them who they were. Then Sara Garrett, with exaggerated patience, said to me, "well, Ashley, Erica couldn't make it, so she sent a replacement. But she fits the dress." And then I asked who the other girls were. The unidentified bridemaids explained that they had brought friends along to talk to in case they got bored. Then I asked Erica's representative what her name was and she said, "Ashley Diane."

But that's my name.

Right before I woke up I remember being relieved to think that maybe it wasn't the real wedding, but only the rehearsal, and then I was relieved to realize it was only a dream. Apparently I should have asked Erica to be a bridesmaid, although I sincerely hope, Erica, that you come yourself and don't send some replacement who has my name as a hostess. I want to see your very own face! :-)

A couple of nights ago I had a sequel to this wedding nightmare. It was set during the reception. I'm not sure what I was wearing but I remember thinking it couldn't have been my beautiful white gown because everyone was ignoring me. It was like it was Sam's party and not mine at all. I didn't even seem to be there in the capacity of his girlfriend, let alone his bride. Sam did all the cake cutting and everything and was being toasted and cheered and he ignored me along with the rest of the guests, most of whom I didn't know. So I got some cake and drinks with Sara and Sarah and we went to a little corner and ate and I think had a really nice girl talk, like old times. Then suddenly the reception was over and the party was breaking up and I realized I was supposed to go with Sam on his honeymoon and suddenly I got really angry, and thought, (sarcastically) "this guy's going to have a really fun honeymoon after what he did to me! I'm not even going to speak to him the next 11 days!" Then I woke up.

Sam has assured me he will not forget about me at our wedding.

I really wanted to post some wedding-planning pictures I've been taking, but in moving from the dorm I seem to have misplaced the cord that lets me get pictures from my camera to my computer, so here's what I have. They are of me at the opera in January, of my desk while I was writing the thesis, of me with my future sister-in-law and of course, of the back of my dress!

30 days

More and more things are getting checked off my to-do list, which I have just finished making. (Check!)

I had my dress fitting complete with all the proper underpinnings, and I think I have all my accessories ready except for earrings. For my "something old," I'm wearing a diamond tennis bracelet that belonged to my dear Grandmom who died about ten years ago. For my "something borrowed" my other grandmother (Nano) has loaned me a necklace that has a very pretty and delicate diamond pendant. I have a garter and of course, my shoes and veil. I don't think I'm going to put anything in my hair except the veil but I still have not settled on a hairstyle. The dress is new and I also have something blue.

We tested cakes Wednesday and decided on the Mexican Vanilla. It's unique to the bakery we chose, I think, and has cinnamon in it. I love cinnamon. Our cake is going to be 4 tiers, I think, with flat-front buttercream icing, a simple border, real rose petals for decoration, and our initials as a cake topper. I kind of like non-fussy things, but they said fondant was hard to work with and I don't think very many people like the taste of it, so I think this cake will be perfect.

Sam got measured for his tux and ordered his groomsmen gifts. We're working on photos for the slideshow, mix cds for the reception, and a scapbook/story book detailing the story of how we met and fell in love, etc. I've never done a scrapbook before but I think our story is pretty awesome and worth writing down. I'm hoping to get it done and have it displayed, along with bridal portraits and engagement pictures, at the table where the guest book will be.

I have to go back up to Waco in another couple of weeks to try on my dress. Meanwhile I'll be getting organized, trying to make money, working out and actually enjoying being a bride. :-) My bridesmaids, groom, and other friends have been awesomely awesome and I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Another Matthew story:

Today I tied our wedding rings on the little pillow and asked him to practice his special job for the ceremony. He was too hyper at first but when Dad came home I said, "let's show Daddy what you're going to do at the wedding," and he got excited. Mom played the part of Stephanie, the Maid of Honor, and told him to let her walk a little and then follow. He giggled a lot, let her walk and then ran across the living room and threw the pillow down. Mom says he'll be fine when it's time for the actual ceremony, but will probably want a little microphone time at the reception. I wonder if it's every customary for the Ring Boy to give a toast?

He's declared tomorrow to be a holiday, Apple Pie Day, and assures me that I will be permitted to assist in the baking of the Apple Pie, provided that I promise not to "cook wrong."

Gittin' 'Er Dun

I've worked out 5 times this week, had four shifts at work (and tomorrow's a double), played a lot with Matthew and...

this wedding is so going to happen. I ordered my shoes, bridesmaids' gifts, and cake topper. I bought a dress for the rehearsal dinner, arranged for a fitting for my wedding dress and cake testing, called the marriage license place, and got an email saying the ring bearer pillow has come in.

Matthew doesn't like being called a "Ring Bearer." He says, "I'm not a bear, I'm a boy!" So we call him the Ring Boy. :-) I can't wait to see him in his little tux - he's going to look sooo cute! Not unlike the groom. :-)

Gittin'

Transition Time

Well, undergraduate college is over. Everything got done and I graduated from the honors program. I moved out of the dorm and now I'm here in Corpus, with four goals: make $$, work out, spend time with my parents and little brother, and finish wedding planning.

I've written most of my thank-you notes for the various wedding showers and I check the mail everyday for response cards so I can get a better idea of the number of people to expect. Sam and I have to go back to Waco soon for cake testing, and I have to have a dress fitting. Sam booked the honeymoon, though, so we're officially going to Portland, Oregon for ten days. We also have all the flowers for people to wear/carry ordered as well as centerpieces for the reception tables. The people doing the cake are also providing the pretty disposable things and drinks. I still have to get together some photos for the slideshow at the rehearsal dinner, find a dress for the rehearsal dinner, buy shoes for the wedding, order rental tablecloths, pick out the appetizers and find serving platters for them, plan the bachelorette party, finish thank-yous...

Matthew keeps peaking over my shoulder to see if the cursor is a dinosaur or not.

I'm actually a lot less stressed out now that I don't have to go to school. Tonight I start work again at the restaurant. Yay waitressing! It kind of sucks but it's nice to bring home cash every night.

I'm a bad Classicist.

I just split an infinitive. ~It will be unambiguously a compliment to be told, "oh my gosh, you look so young!